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Sunday, August 31, 2003 | Devine emotion
Sanctified and true
Ohhh what's worth saving if your not feelin' it too
No compromisin' could be ready for change
If your feigning with devotion
you know it's never too late
For understanding, let me lay it on the line
For all decisions we ain't got but a little time
For all you needed, you can't say that I didnt try
You're everastiing and I would do it over again
I would do it over again
Trust Remy Shand to lay it all out.
Anyone that knows me, or wants to know me should know I appreciate good lyrics..... that speak truth in prose.
This one just happens to echo exactly what I'm feeling lately. So, no, it's not just another sad love song.....
well... maybe it is.
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Sunday, August 31, 2003 | "Tim Roth still works as a bartender sometimes"
I just read that crap on Star! TV. What is that? Even though I'm not too sure who Tim Roth is, I'm very sure he's an actor because only asinine actor types publicize bullshit like that... I'm sure he's thinking that's his way of staying "grounded" or in tune with the every day man. Oh please! Like they know anything about hardwork... and I'm not talking about the hard work of memorizing lines, looking for a good agent or playing a scene correctly but the real hardwork, the cruel, unforgiving everyday that is life for the rest of the world...?
It's kind of charming, and very enviable taht actor types have hobbies outside... the mere fact they have time to pursue hobbies what inbetween award shows, shopping and the amount of boy/girl friends they have to schedule but it's still very cute that they find time for other things more inline with reality. But it's nothing close to being grounded... not even close. I mean they have no idea what everyone else goesthrough in the real world... there are no breaks for us.. we're grounded 24/7 not just in between movie priemiere's or whatever. When was the last time you heard of an actor that's a computer programmer in his spare time? or a doctor? or lawyer? or accountant? or even a waitress! And I'm not talking about waitresses that are actors in their part time.. I'm talking like Nicloe Kidman kind of success... what does she do in her part time to stay grounded? bus some dirty dishes? Heck no. I just wish they would stop being pretentious and just be more like Jlo. She makes no excuses and she knows she's no where close to the ground... she doesn't whine about being rich. The bitch wears it well... and I love her to death for that. It's called being REAL. Why? becayse that is her reality and that's that. So when people like Tim Roth or whoever else decide they want to be a bartender for a week... it's just really a slap in the face for people like us who have no breaks from our reality... I wish more of them understood that. It's kind of like the little white kids who act black... it's like... what do you REALLY know? and why is it so enticing in the first place? I guess it's the rich man's burden? that they have to still live in the world with other non-rich people and risk ridicule just not to look insensitive? It really might take someone who wasn't rich to begin with but got rich later in life to show them how it's REALLY supposed to be done... If I was rich there's no fucking way you'd catch my ass behind any stupid bar.. I wouldn't even do that now! Bartending is just a hobby to him anyway, just as some of them paint, or take photographs, or direct or snort coke.. they're hobbies.. Go and ask a REAL bartender or painter or photgrapher how hard they work at their craft.. it's not something they do on their day off.. that is life for them.. there is no "sometimes" at the end of their sentence. It's about respect and knowing your place in society and life... everyone should just respect others for what they have, appreciate what they have and leave it at that.. you can not have the best of both worlds..
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Friday, August 29, 2003 | Priest Molestors.
So everyone know one of those priest molestors, Pastor Gaugan(sp) got killed in jail... this post isn't about wether that was justified or not... although I do have my opinions on the whole matter.. this post is about the fact taht because he appealed before he was murdered his conviction will be overturned... I was just watching the news.. I think it was CBS. And they mentioned this legal loophole.. they had a mother whose 3 children were molested by this priest, she was angry and outrgaed.. but I'm saying.. isn't he already dead? Why are these people so spiteful?? Are they saying they'd rather him rot in jail than be DEAD???? come on!! They must be Christians meaning they believe in hell fire.. so how can a jail compare to that? I'd rather see someone that commited such attrocities to me or mine burn in 'eternal hell fire' than some government jail where they're pampered, fed and catered to for their entire sentence.. I mean it's not like jailin a 3rd world coountry where you're lucky to eat once a week, no clothes, no showerm no water.. just you and the mosquito's.
I don't get it anyway... I mean the legal loophole.. I don't know what purpose it serves.. what good is it to the dead person that their conviction was turned over...? Innocent or not it's of no consequence.... what good will it even do their family or society? It's not like the person will be released? I just don't get white people.
Anyway... on to better news..! I happened to find THE perfect pair of boots yesterday!! Totally by accident.. well I was shopping.. for boots.. but trust me.. it's still a miracle I found them :o)
I had a little itnerviw today and I wore these boots I bought last year... I have worn these boots maybe 7 times.. MAYBE. You might ask "why candy? I thought u loved boots?" well I do.. but everytime I wear these I have to take an extra pair of slippers to wear in the car!! they're so fucking hard to walk in! I feel like every bone in my foot is screeeeeeeaming for mercy! I can hardly bare it.. I'm always cursing the $100 I spent from them.. but I'd never return them even if I could.. they're the perfect beige... and that's hard to find! Anyway... so in my angst I ttrucked it to the mall.. just pissed off.. I had actually went looking for a new top for this "jersey party" on sunday.. where everyone is supposed to be in a jersey of some sort.. anyhoo.. I went to Aldo and got some insoles for the stupid boots... and then I just got it in mind that I might as well try and find the perfect pair of boots! Is it really too much to ask for?? something comfortable... I can wear to the club, meetings, interviews even church! ok... if you're laughing at that.. I WHEN I get to church I would still like to be looking hot.. that's no sin is it? Anyway... I found them.. some black ankle boots.. they were treally high and a skinny heel so at first my mind was on some "hell no" thing.. but I tried them on anyway.. if they hadn't been on sale, they would have been the most expensive boots ever purchased by yourstruly... hence the miracle.. I won't even put the price it just feels like I stole them! AND hey're hella comfortable.. trust me it's made my weekend.. the only thing is they're black.. but I can rock that.. no problem.... for those who think I'm a shoe whore... I'm not really! but its just weird that on the same day my feet feel like they're being smashed into hot coals with every step.. I find some cute comfy one's.. trust me.. any woman will tell you it's fate!
About the interview I went on, I hope I get it.. but I doubt I'll stay more than a few months.. 4 to be exact.. i'm back in sch. and I need an internship BAD. this job was gonna be my morning hustle but now I don't know if I have the time for it plus doing my own thing on the side you know..? I just stretch myself too thin.. This will eb the first time I hope I don't get the job and yet I know they were loving me in the interview... damn this charm of mine!!!!! I wish it had an off-switch... lol j/k.. anyway.. we'll see what happens....
**pardon my typo's... I'm too sexy to proof-read.**
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Monday, August 25, 2003 |
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Use your power resources today, dear Aries, as you have a great deal of dynamic energy at your disposal. You have the ability to transform and conquer anything at this time. Note that your spirit of adventure is apt to be much more acute than normal, and that you may be feeling quite anxious to get things rolling in a new direction. Don't hold back. Now is the time to do things full force.
So... I was JUST telling my friend yesterday how good I felt.. for no reason either! You know when you just feel like the shit? Like I felt prettier, I was smiling all day, I didn't even work that much! Just felt so..... nice!! I always say I'm not into horoscopes but I can't deny it's on point today... I do feel like I can do anything. The new direction part is quite eerie since I called a certain company today regarding a job that has absolutely nothing to do with anythign I've even done before... totally new direction. It's all a part of the grand scheme though.. don't get it twisted, I'm still a code geek!
listening to: "Can't Fuck With Queen Bee"
Been thinking of either bothering T or just leaving the whole thing to die queitly... sometimes I don't even feel either way about it.. like a so-what/indifferent type of attitude.. but then I'm like.. shouldn't I care? I should care more... I think? I don't even know... I'm really focused on myself as usual.. maybe it's not right for me anyway? I think that's it. Anyway fuck it...
Life's the shit right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bum shake, shake your bum-bum. Shake your bum-bum. Bum shake, shake your bum-bum. Shake your bum-bum. Bum shake, shake your bum-bum. Shake your bum-bum. Bum shake, shake your bum-bum. Bum shake, shake your bum-bum.
I know I'm still broke but that won't stop me from shaking my a--!!!!!!!! Come on, Come on and get down with the gitdown!
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Thursday, August 21, 2003 | *sigh* I know Long Distance Relationships (LDR's) suck.... but I still wish we had one
Artist : Blake Shelton
Title : Austin
Said she needed to clear her mind.
He figured she'd gone back to Austin cause she talked about it all the time.
It was almost a year before she called him up.
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got.
Chorus 1:
If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it.
If this is Tuesday night
I'm bowlin'.
If you've got somethin' to sell
you're wastin' your time.
I'm not buyin'.
If it's anybody else
wait for the tone. ?
You know what to do.
PS If this is Austin
I still love you.
The telephone fell to the counter.
She heard
but she couldn't believe.
What kind of man would hold on this long.
What kind of love must that be.
She waited three days
and then she called again.
She didn't know what she'd say
but she heard three rings and then...
Chorus 2:
If it's Friday night
I'm at the ball game.
And first thing Saturday
if it don't rain.
I'm goin' out to the lake and I'll be gone all weekend long.
But
I'll call you back when I get home on Sunday afternoon.
PS If this is Austin
I still love you.
This time she left her number and not another word.
She waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'.
And this is what he heard...
Chorus 3:
If you're callin' bout my heart
it's still yours.
I should've listened to it a little more.
Then
it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong.
And by the way
boy
this is no machine your talkin' to.
Can't you tell
this is Austin
and I still love you.
I still love you.
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Sunday, August 17, 2003 | Whether you big or bossy, jig or flossy
Dusty or musty, sober or saucy
Broker than Todd Bridges, richer than Bill Cosby
Forgave me for my arrogance or you still salty?
Passed on to the next life and you still haunt me
I'mma keep doing me unfortunately
I'mma keep doing me unfortunately
I'mma keep doing me unfortunately
I'mma keep doing me unfortunately
I'mma keep doing me unfortunately
I'mma keep doing me unfortunately
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Friday, August 15, 2003 | my life.
so... it's been a crazy week.. not so much for me.. and not in a bad way ( for the most part ) In the last 7 days, I've come back from Atlanta, gotten 2 new licents, a renewed outlook on me, my path, my faith and my purpose, riden a go-cart and laughed so hard and scared myself till I laugh some more, I put blonde braids in my hair.. it's been almost 3 years since I had long hair.. feels weird on my neck when I sleep, I hate blonde hair btw but I'm rocking the hell out of it.. maybe blondes really do have more fun?I bought a hot pair of cream coloured jeans.. it's weird how sometime clothes find YOU... I swear they were fitted for my body they fit me so right, I met a new guy, took his number, called him some girl answered and I threw that shit away without even thinking, watched so much TV, missed a tornado, my friend from toronto came into town, drank a little strawberry wine.. mind you I haven't had alcohol in my system since the night I turned 18 where I had a SIP of some crown royal before my frineds promptly snatched and emptied the bottle and handed it back to me empty(for keepsakes.. I think I still have it somewhere around here ), an acquaintance got killed in a car accident while he was in the passenger seat 7 months after he killed a girl who was riding in his car.. people think her family put a curse on him... I think it's death that was following him... sometimes the wrong person dies you know? and oh yea..... I found my dream car!
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Saturday, August 09, 2003 | I lost a huge blog a few days ago.... I had typed about 6 paragraphs to explain exactly what has been going on in my mind... regarding a lot of things but mostly about T. I still don't have any answers... I don't think that's the purpose of this blog anyway.... just to get things out..... out of my mind. I really have been okay and stuff I haven't thought about things that much.. I've left everything including my job, my career, T, everything in God's hand. I'm through worrying.
Me Myself I - Joan A.
I sit here by myself
And you know I love it
You know I don't want someone
To come pay a visit
I wanna be by myself
I came in this world alone
Me myself I
I want to go to China
And to see Japan
I'd like to sail the oceans
Before the seas run dry
I wanna go by myself
I've just room enough for one
Me myself I
I wanna be a big shot
And have ninety cars
I wanna have a boyfriend
And a girl for laughs
But only on Saturdays
Six days to be alone
With just me myself I
Me myself and I
Just me myself I
Don't want to be the bad guy
Don't want to make a soul cry
It's not that I love myself
I just don't want company
Except me myself I
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Tuesday, August 05, 2003 | I don’t need to fall at your feet
Just ’cause you’ve cut me to the bone
And I won’t miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone
If I don’t listen to the talk of the town
Maybe I can fool myself
I’ll get over you
I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’Cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking)
I am the king of wishful thinking
I refuse to give into my blues
That’s not how it’s gonna be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don’t want to let you see, no, no
That you have made a hole in my heart
And now I’ve got to fool myself
I’ll get over you
I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’Cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
I’ll get over you
I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’Cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking), yeah
Oh, I’ll never, never, never shed a tear for you
I’ll get over you
I know I will
If I don’t listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself
I’ll get over you
I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’Cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking)
I’m the king of wishful thinking
I’ll get over you
I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
But I won’t shed a tear for you
I’ll be the king of wishful thinking
I’ll get over you (over you)
I know I will
I’ll pretend my heart’s still beating
’Cause I’ve got no more tears for you
I’m the king of wishful thinking
I’ll get over you (over you)
I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’Cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
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