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Sunday, November 24, 2002 | *sigh... so I got the job.. heheheheheh I'm happy yep I am!!!! lol I've got to go in tomorrow to get all those forms filled out an all that good stuff.. I'm feling all cool.. celebrated a lil' bit this weekend.. yea.. it's nice to have ish going m way for a damn change..
so I'm thinking, this job is cool for the $$$.. but not really for my career.. so I'll hopefully be getting a real coporate job soon.. this one is in my field don't get me wrong but it's geared more to web design than to coding.. which is what I need experience in.. but ask me if I care?? it's gonna pay the bills and that's what matters. C said he has two projects for me to work on already.. how cool is that? so I'll get my feet wet right away.. I love that. I might start looking for a 9 to 5 in January.. this job is a project type thing so if there aren't any projects then you do other stuff like train or what not.. that shouldn't be the case right now apparently sicne it's a new program but in time things will slow down.. so in anticipation of that I'll keep my head up about getting a "real" gig with some ridiculously huge firm that pays programmers ridiculous amounts of money to do fun stuff :o) I'm so excited!!! :D
I think I need to go to church today... to thank God.. for giving me everything I've been moaning about all this while.. I am such a brat!!! hehehe
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Monday, November 18, 2002 | I think I need some adventure in my life... it's just so mundane of late... all I do is stress about things that are out of my control ( at teh moment ). Everything seems like it's at a stand still just waiting for me to get a job... what a pain. And that guy hasn't called me back.. I'm seriously sweating his call...
school is cool.. but I'm getting the distinct feeling taht one of my teammates is trying to avoid work and possibly trying to offload her share on me... little does she know that I invented that game and I ain't having it... yeye girl.. she will soon know.
Cut my hair super short... I look like a boy.. I have no idea why I did it... probably because I have WAY too much time on my hands lately....
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Friday, November 15, 2002 | you won't believe fucking telus cut my damn phone??? What? because I ignored their suspensioin notice? relax! u'll get ur damn money when I have you damn money! Maaaaan I couldn't even believe it last night when my phone wasn't ringing I picked it up and the line was busy... I burst out laughing I was so freaking shocked.. then I ran to read all my mail and the notice came on the 8th.. I've stopped opening bills since mmmm around July...?anyway so now fido is my new best friend... I set up my voicemail and all of that good stuff since I'm sure I'll be using it for a while while the whole landline thing is on ice cuz now I'm just mad so I don't want to pay on principle not just cuz I'm broke. Imagine those little fucks only called one time..? Usually they call at least three times before you take them seriously right? Damn.. they swear they're doing God's work or something.. don't mind my language, I'm just sour that I have no real phone anymore.. but no yawa.. they can't put my game on hold.. I've got my cell phone! HAH!!
I'm so scared.. "money is an issue" like the Clipse said. I don't even want to let go of a dime becuase the more you take out the less you have and the more drama life has.. I SO need a job. But I don't want any bullshit job where I'm answering phones, or folding clothes or talking into some stupid headset. Is it a crime to want to better myself? And I was all ready for the sacrifice of not having a plush life and stuff because I see a bigger picure... so I just let everything slide.. and I had no stress because I knew if I just keep at it something would come up... God works u know... anyway, Mr. Hiring Manager is supposed to call me back today.. pray for me!!! How can I pimp with NO phone? shit! If I don't get this job... I just might have to do that customer service thing again... Meanwhile I thot I left that shit alone back in May??? I was feelign all sweet when I quit with no notice ( read earlier blog ) and ran off to Nigeria because I thought at the time that I would never have to work a job like that "ever again" so I thre caution to the wind and bought a new bathing suit to pack for the trip home....maaan I am so fucking up this "grown up" thing. Karma is a motherfucker..
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Wednesday, November 13, 2002 | I don't usually order much things on TV... actually todate I've only ordered two things from an info-mercial... one of them I don't want to write here and the other one is this speed reading thingy.. it just got here today... I'm really ecited.. it's cost me 40 dollars so far.. 20 for Canada customs and 14.95 US which is about 20 canadian or so... anyway I'm about to find out how good it is.. If I keep it the thing is about 300 bucks... I just tried the online demo... my reading spead was 274.. and it went up to 396... not bad huh :D just don't ask me if I remember what I read hehehehe
group meeting today... Ive wasted this whole day and i'ts such a lovely feeling....
big ups to nigerians in america for making me site of the week! This is so unexpected I didn't prepare a list... lollll I'm feeling like I just won a grammy hahaha j/k.. anyway seriously I don't know how I won.. but shuu any recognition is good abi? Thank you whoever :o)
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Tuesday, November 12, 2002 | it's unbelievable how a white shirt restricts your life... I went for that job interview today looking sharp ( white works on my skin ) so after I decided to go to school to work on my group project ( more on that mess later ) anyway I bought an $8 plate of jerk chicken to go.. can you imagine I didn't give it a second thought.. until I was like hum... this shirt is brand new.. but I don't really feel like eating like a bird you know.. * sigh.. I should have thought of it earlier I guess... white shirts suck... I'm just so scared of staining it because I am constantly buying white shirts and white tutrle necks because they never seem to stay spot free.. wether it's getting into the car.. soemone's sticky fingers on my sleeve or some delicious curry chicken with extra gravy.. uuummmm.. anyway I've made it half way I figure I"lll eave the rest till I get home?
I think I got the job though. Just needed references... so I had to haul my tail downtown to ask my ex-manager ( from the hotel ) if she would do it for me.. I'm usually good at jobs I quit but that one I kinda sorta deserted them a little bit without warning.. it was on my trip to naija!!! I mean a girl has priorities.. plus with finals and all the *other* stress and with it being apart time gig.. it kind of got pushed back just a little... actually a lot of stuff got negelected around the time I left.. it was o last minute with me writing my finals early and stuff.. I dunno I guess I got into one of those eff the world moods...
retarded things people send through email... I SO DO NOT FIND THIS FUNNY... it's ridiculous and it makes me regret giving out my email... why don't people write notes anymore? everythign is a forward.. and then t/bhe have the audacity to ask you if you got the forward.. I don't read eight percent of them but the typical repsonse ( and all the live to hear ) is "it was funny" and stupid and retarded and a watse of bandwidth but of course I keep that to myself.. even worse are chain letters.. aaaaaaaaaargh! The one time I replied someone to tell them to remove me from their address book and only write to me when they have somethign to say I ended up feeling so bad about it, *sigh don't people know time is precious? I mean if we cut out all the time we spent processing b.s. like email forwards so much work could be done and we'd all be the better for it! I mean what does anyone really get from those things anyway? It's gotten to teh point where anything I get I immedeately disregard it as "propaganda" like this one time I got some palestinian hatemail ish FROM A BLACK PERSON.. like how jobless are YOU?? Or those pathertic emails pleading for you to foraward it because microsoft is tryign to test hotmail usage or whatever.. or the sad one's abot some little kid who is dieing and was promised 5 cents per email forward to find a cure... BUUUUUUUULLS*IT ... people kill me you know.. The one time I got a forward I did want to pass along.. it was some prayer chain where you are sending the person "love" by sending teh email.. I thot that was FWD worthy.. but I got it from my sister and she'd already sent it to all my family and stuff so I'm thinking who is there for me to send this to? aaaah.. forwards suck.
wish me luck on this job.... I'm kidna excited about it.. Im' pretty sure I got it.. I said that befre didn't I? Well I guess we'll see on friday... I AM SO EXCITED!! Yipeeeeeeeee :D
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Friday, November 08, 2002 | Originally Postded on Novermber 6th
I have a job interview this morning.. I hope I get it. Actually I have mixed feelings about it because another interview is sceduled on friday and taht one seems good too.. but less pay. The second one on friday is more of a student initiative type of deal.. the money isn't hot in any stretch of the imagination but it offers lots of projects.. so my resume would be looking very nice.. but this one today is... actually I'm not too sure what it is. it's witha small company so it might be contract work meaning I have to leave after it's done.. I'm assuming that of course because I haven't really heard much about teh position.. I just hope nothign turns sour on me.. I really need some work. Aside from that, I've been praying constantly about good projects coming my way.. I want something that will be perfect for me and perfect for what I can do.. I don't think I should have to hunt for anything either.. i want it to be an easy process since I'm just kinda starting out... no fuss no muss.. but that is all stuff outside of school and work of course.. *sigh.. school.. Have class again tonight. We should start codign soon. I'm grateful for this in a way but it means I will have to be at school very often because I don't have access to their SQL servers from home.. can you imagine that? so to be sitting there for hours and hours.. I can't begin to convey how quickly the novelty of it wears off... it's always fun to code.. for like the first few days. maybe even a week.. but after that things just get boring and you just feel like a machine. So I have to get as much work done in taht week so that all that would be left would be my report stuff and that is basically query stuff ( I cheat.. I use access hehehehe)
Last night over dinner, we got to talking about Nigeria.. and the upcoming election, the state of the country and why things fall apart there... ti was so exciting.. very funny cuz I kept crackign up.. Take this scenario: I said that all Nigeria needs is for the people who have secured a stabel life overseas to come home and contribute.. starting businesses, entering government and raising the bar basically.. for instance entering real estate or some other venture.. then came "assuming no one will do you 419" it's just funny I guess I can't explin the humour there sha.. but it' s like there is always something funky to ruin the whole idea.. I mean even security back home is a joke... u can get shot just like that robbed and killed so who wants to go back to that? I was saying, if I ever did business in naija I could never really live there and that would be detrimental to my business.. because when the cat is away the mice come out to play.. meaning while I'm gone I will have no idea what "my people" are doing.. they could be running it into the ground.. doing 419 in my name and stealing all the money.. so it's kind of a lose-lose thing.. Then we talked about how you can't show u have wealth in a country like that. Which is true and i am all for that... how can there be such opulence in such a run down country? I mean does a bank manager REALLY need a Mercedes SLK or whatever? lets be real for a second... he's gotta be stealing the money!! Anyway sha, that is another thing that would definitely have to be stamped out.. all that classism. That is one thing armed robbers have helped sha.. no one is trying to show off too much.. that can never be a bad thing.. The hole convo was just very delightful for me.. I was thinking.. thinking big things.. I prayed over them too.. That I would be able to venture home and do what i think should be done by people who have had my oppurtunity.. it's not like charity but why not get me rich and contribute to naija at the same time? It's a deep-seeded passion in me... last night was very very very eye-opening.. it kind brought it to the front of my mind... now my 5-year plan has been enrichened... makes me smile :o)
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Tuesday, November 05, 2002 | sometimes I go thru moments just wondering what people expect of me.. it's not a particularly nice place to be. tThinking that you have to be something for someone but when you are actually in that position it's a very hard thing to ignore... I mean you kow you are talking with someone and they say something in a way that determines what you SHOULD say and for a split second u think of what you really wanna say but end up saying what they want or not saying anything at all?
that's how I feel lately... it's almost mean i know but sometimes i just wish the world would dissappear for a few days so I could do what i need to get done.. I hate feelign like I hav to baby people. Maybe I just want to be selfish even for a second and not care about people's feelings or try to explain my feelings or whatnot... then I feel bad that I even feel that way and it all ends up making me feel like I want to give up on this having feelings thing.... guilt is the worst thing to feel u know..For instance, a family friend's mother died yesterday.. I'm very saddened by this... I stayed with them for a little bit and she was a sweet old woman. Do I miss her? honestly, no i don't... should I call, buy a card and go visit for an hour or so.. yes I should.. would I rather spend that time chilling out and watching TV or doing almost anythign else..? heck yea.. but guilt won't allow it.. I'll be off to buy the card of condolence in the next few hours *sigh... obligation is such a weight
I see where all my friends are today, I see what everyone's life is around me.. sometimes I wonder.. if everyone around me is working as hard as I am, am I going to end up like them..? are we all just gonna be living mediocre lives till we die? How depressing.. no one has any good r/ships, everyoen is underpaid and in a heap of debt, some go out every weekend looking for what.. I don't know. i wonder about their future, I wonder about mine.. it's all a big mess.. I wonder how we even got here to begin with? Funny cuz there are some special moments of pure joy and carelessness that I guess make "life" worth it.. I GUESS... I dunno I think I'm on the verge of a breakdown.. I'm so glad sch is almost over.. fuck it all I could care less about the project I'm working on.. all I want to do is make some money and get the fuck out of where I am.. I'm swearing cuz I'm feeling like it's some release.. why am I even blogging this..? i have no clue.. I wish I was in atlanta right now. I think I need to change so much about how I think and live cuz somethings just aren''t working. Like, I wonder if this is what life will always be like? feeling like we're just wasting time chasing something because we don't like where we are
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